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We hope you can join us on December 5th, 2026 at our workshop on Moral Injury. For more information or to register, please visit https://jstinstitute.com
Divorce is something I have talked about with clients for years. As a psychotherapist, I have sat across from people dealing with betrayal, anger, grief, custody disputes, financial uncertainty, loneliness, and the frightening question of what life will look like when the future they expected suddenly disappears.
But understanding divorce professionally and living through it personally are two very different things.
I am currently going through a divorce myself. It has been one of the most difficult seasons of my life.
This was not the direction I expected my life to take. There have been moments of sadness, frustration, anger, uncertainty, and exhaustion. There have also been moments when I have had to remind myself that I cannot control every outcome, every decision another person makes, or every circumstance surrounding me.
I can, however, decide what kind of man and father I want to be while I walk through it.
One thing I understand differently now is that divorce involves many losses at the same time.
You are not simply grieving a relationship.
You may be grieving the family structure you thought would always exist. You may lose traditions, routines, financial security, friendships, time with your children, and even your sense of home.
Sometimes you are grieving something that technically still exists.
Your children are still your children. You are still their father. But suddenly you may not put them to sleep at night or wake up in the same house with them every morning. You may miss ordinary moments that you once took for granted.
Those losses are difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced them.
One of the humbling parts of this experience has been recognizing that knowing healthy coping skills does not mean I automatically feel okay.
I understand cognitive distortions. I understand grief. I understand emotional regulation. I have helped people navigate major life transitions for years.
And I still have difficult days.
There is an important lesson in that.
Mental health is not about eliminating painful emotions. Sometimes the healthiest response to something painful is to acknowledge that it hurts.
The work is learning how to experience those emotions without allowing them to determine every decision you make.
Perhaps nothing has influenced me more throughout this process than being a father.
Divorce can create an enormous temptation to focus on fairness: Who is right? Who is wrong? Who sacrificed more? Who caused what?
Some of those questions may need to be addressed in the appropriate setting. But children need something different from their parents.
They need stability.
They need reassurance.
They need permission to love both parents without feeling responsible for either parent's emotions.
I have had to continually ask myself a question that I often encourage parents in my practice to consider:
What will my children remember about how I handled this season?
I cannot control every memory they will have. But I can work toward being present, dependable, loving, and emotionally available.
Years from now, I want my children to know that even during one of the hardest periods of my life, being their father remained one of my highest priorities.
Another reality that does not receive enough attention is the financial impact.
Attorneys, experts, separate households, duplicated expenses, property decisions, and countless other costs can accumulate quickly.
It can become easy to view every disagreement as something that needs to be "won."
But there is often a price attached to winning a battle.
Going through this has made me think much more seriously about the difference between pursuing something because it is genuinely important and pursuing it because I am angry, afraid, or determined to prove a point.
Money spent fighting is money that will not be available for our children's education, experiences, future needs, or either parent's ability to rebuild.
That does not mean boundaries should disappear or that legitimate issues should be ignored. It means asking whether each battle actually moves the family toward a healthier future.
This may be one of the hardest lessons.
I cannot control another person's interpretation of events.
I cannot control what someone says about me.
I cannot control every legal decision.
I cannot control how quickly conflict resolves.
And I cannot rewrite the past.
I can control my actions.
I can control whether I respond immediately when I am angry or wait until I can think clearly.
I can control whether I invest my energy in resentment or rebuilding.
I can control whether I continue showing up for my children, my work, my relationships, my faith, and the responsibilities in front of me.
That distinction has become increasingly important.
There is something strange about rebuilding a life you never expected to have to rebuild.
You establish new routines. You create a different home. You learn what life looks like when the children are with you and when they are not.
At first, many of those changes feel like reminders of what was lost.
Eventually, some of them begin to feel different.
They begin to feel like evidence that life is continuing.
I am discovering that moving forward does not require pretending the past did not matter. A marriage can have mattered deeply and still end. A family can change structure without ceasing to be a family.
There can be grief and gratitude at the same time.
This experience has also affected the way I think about men and mental health.
Many men going through divorce are carrying enormous amounts of fear, shame, anger, financial pressure, and loneliness while telling almost no one what is actually happening.
Some respond by isolating. Others bury themselves in work. Some immediately pursue another relationship. Others numb themselves with alcohol, substances, gambling, pornography, or other distractions.
But avoiding grief does not resolve grief.
Men need healthy friendships. We need people who will listen without automatically fueling our anger. We need places where vulnerability is not interpreted as weakness.
And sometimes we need professional help.
Being strong and asking for help are not opposites.
I cannot write this from the perspective of someone who has everything figured out.
I don't.
I am still going through it.
There are still unanswered questions. There are still difficult conversations and decisions ahead. There are still days when I wish circumstances were different.
But I am beginning to understand that healing does not have to wait until everything is resolved.
You can begin rebuilding while the story is still unfinished.
You can become healthier while circumstances remain difficult.
You can experience joy without denying grief.
And you can begin imagining a future that looks different from the one you originally planned.
If you are reading this while going through your own divorce, particularly as a father or husband, I would encourage you not to measure your entire future by what life feels like today.
Protect your relationship with your children.
Take care of your physical and emotional health.
Be careful about making permanent decisions from temporary anger.
Find people who can support you without simply reinforcing resentment.
Get professional help when you need it.
And give yourself permission to grieve. Deeply.
Divorce may represent the end of an important chapter of your life, but it does not have to become the definition of the rest of your life.
I am learning that myself.
My story is still being written.
And while I would not have chosen many of the circumstances that brought me here, I can still choose what I do with the life in front of me.
For now, that means continuing to be a father, continuing to serve the people who trust me as their therapist, continuing to grow, and continuing to believe that there is meaningful life on the other side of a season I never expected to face.
📢 Event Update
The Katy Spiritual Care Network event scheduled for July 10th has been canceled. We will be sure to resume our meetings accordingly.
For any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with Martin Counseling’s office at:
713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
Members Choice Credit Union
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event RSVP:
Katy Mental Health Network Meeting
Hosted by David Bueno Martin, MA, LPC-S from Martin Counseling
Speaker: Michelle Puster M.Ed., LPC
Topic: “Desire Discrepancy Through Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Lens”
Description: Desire discrepancy is one of the most common and most misunderstood presenting concerns in couples and sex therapy — and one of the most shame-laden. In this training, we will explore desire discrepancy through the lens of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, integrating Sue Johnson's attachment framework with Emily Nagoski's groundbreaking work on responsive versus spontaneous desire and the accelerator-brake model of sexual response. Participants will learn to reframe desire differences not as rejection or incompatibility, but as attachment bids and nervous system responses — opening a path toward deeper emotional and erotic connection for the couples they serve.
1 hr CE credit will be available.
Lunch will be provided by Ashley Harris with Charlie Health.
For any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with Martin Counseling’s office at
713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
📢 Event Update
The Katy Spiritual Care Network event scheduled for March 6th has been canceled. We will be sure to resume our meetings accordingly.
For any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with Martin Counseling’s office at:
713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
Members Choice Credit Union
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event RSVP:
Katy Mental Health Network Meeting
Hosted by David Bueno Martin, MA, LPC-S from Martin Counseling
Speaker: Dr. Karen Jaggers, LPC
Topic: Disability Awareness and First Responder Encounters
1 hr CE credit will be available.
Lunch will be provided by Ashley Harris with Charlie Health.
For any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with Martin Counseling’s office at
713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
The Katy Mental Health Network Meeting has been canceled.
We will resume our meeting next year after the holidays.
For any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with Martin Counseling’s office at
713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
JOIN US!
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event RSVP by following the link:
https://forms.gle/nEcSLkEZhcJyT15PA
THE MEETING TIME IS 11:30 AM TO 1:30 PM.
Hosted by:
Katy Spiritual Care Network
Martin Counseling
Lunch will be provided.
Speaker: Dr. Johann D'Souza, PhD
Topic: “The Science of Focus: Helping Kids & Teens Overcome Distraction”
For any questions, please contact Martin Counseling’s office at 713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
Katy Mental Health Network Meeting Has been Canceled.
The Katy Mental Health Networking Event scheduled for this Friday, October 3, 2025, has been canceled.
We look forward to seeing everyone at the next event on Friday, December 5, 2025!
Thank you for your understanding, and we can’t wait to connect with you in December.
Don’t Worry, Bee Happy — We’ll Meet Nov. 5
The Katy Beekeeping Network meeting scheduled for this Wednesday, 10/1/25, has been canceled. We are planning to reschedule for November 5 and will share more details soon. Thank you for your understanding!
More Information: https://jstinstitute.com
JOIN US!
468 Park Grove Dr
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event, RSVP by following the link:
https://forms.gle/cB4MmoJsdMF3tTqw7
THE MEETING TIME IS 7:00 PM.
Hosted by:
David B. Martin
Bueno Honey Farms
Refreshments will be provided.
Discover things like:
The secret life of bees
How honey is made
Why bees are essential for our planet
A time for Q&A
🐝 Whether you’re curious, a nature lover, or simply want to try something new, this event is sure to leave you buzzing with excitement!
For any questions, please contact our office at 713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
Members Choice Credit Union
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event RSVP:
Katy Mental Health Network Meeting
Hosted by David Bueno Martin, MA, LPC-S from Martin Counseling
Speaker: Dr. Johann D’Souza, PhD
Topic: The Science of Focus: Helping Kids & Teens Overcome Distraction
1 hr CE credit will be available.
Lunch will be provided by Brooke Martin with ACADIA.
For any questions, don’t hesitate to get in touch with Martin Counseling’s office at
713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
JOIN US!
468 Park Grove Dr
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event RSVP by following the link:
https://forms.gle/UpKmexXJEj9mnn716
THE MEETING TIME IS 7:00 PM.
Hosted by:
David Martin
Martin Counseling
Refreshments will be provided.
Topic: 🐝✨ Hive You Heard? ✨🐝
We’re buzzing with excitement! 🐝 Join us for the first-ever Katy Beekeeping Network Meeting—a place for beekeepers, honey lovers, and bee-curious friends to connect, share, and grow together. 🌻🍯
🐝 Whether you’re a seasoned beekeeper or just curious about the buzz, you’re welcome to swarm in!
For any questions, please contact Martin Counseling’s office at 713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
JOIN US!
There is NO COST for attending this meeting.
To reserve your place at this event RSVP by following the link:
https://forms.gle/fJ2nWQPWNbcP287e9
THE MEETING TIME IS 11:30 AM TO 1:30 PM.
Hosted by:
Katy Spiritual Care Network
Martin Counseling
Light lunch will be provided.
Speaker: Chris Fahey
Topic: “Fleet week: What it is, why it matters, and how you can participate.”
For any questions, please contact Martin Counseling’s office at 713-489-5473 or email: Info@HoustonLPC.com
